What is a Mother Blessing Way?
A mother blessing way is an ancient ceremony, in which the mother to be is honored and fully seen by her loved ones.Within a circle of friends in a quiet, gentle, spiritual ceremony, those attending will deeply honor the mother to be; consciously welcoming the new baby to earth, celebrating and acknowledging this big passage in the mother and the baby’s life. It’s a very positive ritual, affirming that a woman will have a natural and beautiful birth experience. The ceremony marks a woman’s passage into motherhood. Though it’s mainly oriented to the mother to be (first time or already mama’s), it can also be a family ceremony.
What is the origin of the Blessing way ceremony?
The Mother’s Blessing Way Ceremony originates from the Navajo people. However, it has evolved into a modern ritual, involving many other traditions. Therefore it can be adapted to any spiritual tradition or belief system.
For who is a blessing way?
A blessing way is a special and unique blessing for a mother to be. It can involve the partner and older children, still the focus is on the mother. To celebrate and acknowledge her life transition, to honour her as a woman and a creator, and to express her how much she is loved and supported. A blessing way can be held for any woman, whether she is a member of a specific religion, someone who follows her own spiritual path, or someone who claims no faith or spiritual practise at all.
It is a ritual for all pregnant women: first time mothers, as well as for women who have had children already.
If the mother chooses it, the blessing way can also embrace her partner and\or children. So in this way, they are as a whole blessed by their community.
In this case the father and older children can join the ritual. Otherwise, they could also be part of the gathering before and after the ritual. There are many possible ‘alternatives’. The children of the mother&father are welcome (of course if they agree). However, for little children, i strictly recommend that there is someone in charge of them, not the mother. Because this is her time to be and receive.
Who to invite?
The people to invite are the close community that surrounds the mother and father to be. Their family, their close friends and loved ones, the midwife and doula, the goddess mother or father, people with whom one feels deeply conected with. Because it’s a very private 
ceremony and it’s in a very sensitive time for the pregnant mother and her partner, it’s very important to invite people who one loves, with whom one feels secure, protected, cared for. Even thou one is sometimes tempted to invite a lot of people, is good to remember that it’s about the quality and not the quantity. So, invite people with whom you feel good with. You might need to consider whether they feel comfortable in a ritual: siting in a circle in the floor, talking about their emotions, singing, being supportive, honest and giving. The best is to trust one owns intuition, and at least for this time, avoid inviting people with whom one feels uncomfortable or who might feel too uncomfortable in such a setting. A possible idea would be to prepare them before hand about what’s gonna take place. If the father is not there, the mother doesn’t need to count on people he likes. If he is gonna be there, then both will have to compromise and find out who are their closest ones.
How big should it be?
Regarding the amount of people to invite, i suggest cosy and private groups. So no more than 7 guest plus the mother to be and me. Why? Because if the group is too big, the chances are quiet big that the ritual will need more than 2 hours, the mother might get too tier and drain with so many people around, and the privacy and closeness might be lost in a big crowd of guests. Therefore, is better to be selective, and really invite the ones you like the most.
Less than 7 is totally fine. The minimum is 1 person, plus the mother to be and me. I’ve done blessing ways with; the mother, the father, a friend and me or the mother, her mother, a friend and me and they where very moving, intimate and loving.
When to make the blessing way?
The most appropriate time to have a
blessing way is during the last month of the pregnancy. 2 weeks before the due date is quiet an appropriate time. Because it’s usually at the time closest to the birth when most of anxieties arise, and one as a woman needs to feel loved, acknowledge, supported and honored.
My experience has been that usually after the blessing way the pregnant mother feels “ready”. Trough the blessing the pregnant mother can fill up her self with confident, love, calmness and a seance of being accompanied. All very important ingredients in this times of her life.
What is the best time of the day to have a blessing way? And how long does it last?
The best times to have the gathering are either in the morning or in the afternoon, finishing with a shared lunch or dinner. It all depends on the mother’s wishes and my availability.
The ritual itself can take between an hour and three hours, depending on the amount of guests, the mother’s wishes and how much energy she has.
I usually recommend to invite people one hour ahead of the planned time for the ritual, for everyone to have time to acclimatise, greet each other, and be fully present.
After the ritual it’s up to the host & guests.
Some examples would be to invite people at 10am, start the ceremony at 11am til 1pm and have lunch afterwards. Or , invite people at 4pm, start the ritual at 5pm till 7pm and have dinner afterwards.
Where to do the blessing way?
I usually encourage the mother-to-be to make the blessing way in her home. In this way her house can be blessed as well, an altar set there and most of all that she knows the place and if she needs to retreat for a while, she can do it. Since it’s a private ceremony, is better to do it in a well know and loved place. How ever if for some circumstances that is not possible, is a good idea that she chooses a place where she feels comfortable, protected and secure.
What to consider about the preparations of the place?
If the blessing ceremony is going to be at home, it is very important for the mother-to-be to delegate.
A wise idea is to invite a close family member or friend to carry the role of host during the whole gathering (opening the door, welcoming the people, getting coats, preparing drinks, serving them, getting things that might be needed, answering the phone, etc). It can otherwise be overwhelming to the mother to be, as well as for her partner (if he is taking place).
Asking for someone to come earlier that day to give a hand with cleaning\cooking\taking care of the children\helping with anything is needed will certainly make a big difference. Don’t be shy to ask for help!, also after the gathering, is good to encourage people to help with cleaning up.
I, my self, usually come around 15-30 min before the guests are invited. However my task will be to fully arrive, set up the altar and connect with the mother and her guests.
There are always some things needed that one has to have, here is the list;
for the gathering
-tea, water, coffee, juice and cups for everyone (note that drinking alcohol during the blessing way isn’t encouraged)
-some snacks: cookies, bread, baked goodies, fruits, fresh veggies, etc. (for the mother and the guests)
-nice music, candles, flowers, etc. Anything that the mother might like and that makes the moment special.
-food, weather is dinner or lunch, is a nice idea to invite people to eat together afterwards. Before hand, you need to decide whether to do a *potluck
*that you cook
*that someone cooks for you or you order food
*or that there is no food after
(going out for dinner is not really an option)
-a table\place to eat
-your camera
and for the ceremony
-a comfortable place where to sit with everyone in a circle. So think about pillows, mattresses, blankets in case it gets cold. A couch for people who might be uncomfortable in the ground, including the pregnant mother.
-a comfortable chair for the pregnant mother
-towels (2 or 3)
-important and sacred items for the mother and her partner. (like stones, paintings, candles, symbolic objects, etc)
-a place where the mother can set her own altar
-a hairbrush and hair barrette
-a bucket to do a foot bath
-music (optional)
What to ask from the participants to bring?
this are some of the things that are usually asked from your guests.
– two beads to make a necklace for the mother and another one for the baby
– a present for the mother (or the couple). Something that for the person is symbolic for this transition (examples: a plant, a book, a paint, a song, an object, a massage later on, offering to help after the birth with cooking, taking care of older children, cleaning, etc)
-a candle
-a jar/basket/pot with a lid
-an object for the altar (optional)
– in case of a potluck: nourishing food *preferably home made and organic
Please note that I’m flexible with this list. If the mother wants to take some things away, that is totally fine with me, as well as if she might want to add something to it. I might also reduce the list or increase it according to what we arrange before hand and with what i intuitively might feel.
What happens during the ceremony?
During a ceremony the whole group enters into a sacred space, in which there is Space. It’s hard to define it. The circle becomes a sacred 
circle and there seems to be no time, and things happen in it that change us & feed us with something that our rational and busy every day life can not offer to us.
A ritual speaks the same language that our right hemisphere of the brain. Therefore we are transported to a reality that sometimes, with a busy life, we forget; the one of symbols, intuitions, visions and healing.
How is the ceremony?
I prefer the ceremony to unfold by it self, therefore i don’t have any recipe. However, there are some basic things that you can expect to take place
-all the participants&the mother-to-be come in a circle
-we all ground
-there is a a cleansing (with sage, with water or visualising it, it depends)
-brief story about blessing ways
-introducing our selves
-creating sacred space by inviting the direction\elements, above, below and the centre
-we set up intentions
-We all honour, pamper, and adorn the mother-to-be to fill her with positive and empowering energies. We tell her stories to encourage her, offer blessings to support her, and give her gifts that will help guide her on her journey.
*some different activities that might take place: a foot bath&massage, combing the mother’s hair, massaging her body or giving her reiki, telling stories, making a necklace for her and her baby, giving presents to the mother-to-be, singing, visualising, painting the mother’s belly, etc
-the mother-to-be can share what’s in her heart.
-we all make a circle\web of connection.
-we all thanks the spirits who were with us, and we close the ritual
after wards we celebrate sharing a meal together
How much does it cost?
The basic fee is 70euros, including different things that i buy for the ceremony; candles, flowers, a real of wool or fine thread, transport (if the gathering is outside Amsterdam i bill the travel costs).
This price is for the day of the ceremony, which is for me to:
– gather & buy somethings for the ceremony in advance (flowers, a real of wool, things for the altar and what ever else might be needed)
– coming to the blessingway15-30 minutes before the guests & setting up the altar
– guiding the ceremony
staying for dinner is open, it depends on my schedule and on the mother’s feeling.
*This price includes some basic e-mailing. But does not include our “blessing way meeting” before the event. This meeting is very important, we will discuss the mother’s vision and desires for the gathering, as well as to arrange things regarding the gathering and to get a feeling for each other. For this I charge 12euros per hour (plus traveling costs if the meeting is outside amsterdam)
Some important things to talk with the mother in advance
it’s very important for me to get to know each other a bit before the blessing way. I need to know where you are emotionally at this time of your pregnancy. I’d like to hear about your desires and needs for this gathering in particular, as well as for the coming times. So we can get the best out of the gathering.
I would like to know in advance the things that make you feel comfortable and safe. If you haven’t had any experience with being in a circle during a ceremony, is maybe a good idea to talk before hand about it, and release any anxiety or distrust.
Because i want to make it comfortable, cosy and special for you, I’d like to know in advance which flowers you like the most, which colour is very touching for you during this pregnancy, what for scent do you like, do you have any preferred colour for the altar, is there a topic that is very alive at this moment in your life that you want to express.
Also, what do you believe in, so in the moment of calling the divine i can name in a way that you will feel comfortable about it (great spirit, universe, god, goddess, divine, Buddha, Ala, etc)
motherblessingway 